Mind Your Triggers

As a medical student, I was often in the scary situation of doing something for the first time.  One day, the resident told me I would be doing a blood draw on the next patient.  We entered his room and explained this to him.  He took one look at me, and flatly refused.  I quickly left the room, near tears, and went back to the other students to rant and rave about this man who wouldn’t let me poke him with a needle.  Looking back on the incident, I think I overreacted, right?  This man was very ill and had a right to decide who would be drawing his blood.  But I felt like he was judging me, and had decided that I came up short.  This situation caused a strong reaction, not because of the incident itself, but because it hit one of my emotional triggers: being thought of as incompetent.

Emotional triggers are people or situations that create a strong emotional response within us.  When triggered, we might feel angry, defensive, resentful or afraid.  We may react strongly, in a way that feels almost beyond our control, and certainly out of proportion to what’s really happening.  Chances are, most of us have a trigger or two.  Common ones include being ignored or abandoned, being judged or dismissed, or being powerless.  It may become obvious over time that our reaction is always the same when our trigger is hit.  What isn’t always so obvious is that our responses can be controlled.  While I may always feel defensive when I think my competency is being questioned, I don’t have to respond in an angry or unprofessional way.

The key to managing triggers is awareness.  I need to know the potential dangers before they strike, or I can’t expect to change powerfully ingrained responses.  Meditation will absolutely increase self-awareness over time, so a regular sitting practice will help with responses to triggers.  A more direct approach utilizes a technique similar to thought records of cognitive behavioral therapy.  You will need a pen and something to write on.  Divide the sheet into three columns.  In the first column, write down situations that caused an intense emotional reaction.  In the second column, identify the emotions you experienced, and in the third column, write how you responded.  Try to come up with multiple scenarios from your life, and add any new situations that arise over the next week. Then, the investigation begins.  What do these situations have in common? Try to look at them objectively, and identify the trigger in each one.  You can explore the origins and reasons behind them through journaling, or with the support of a good therapist.

Once you have a handle on your triggers, the real work begins. Now we have to identify triggers in real time, and be conscious enough to alter our ingrained responses. This means being alert to emotions and recognizing when a strong one is occurring. Next, we have to slow down. Instead of reacting, take a deep breath and look inside at what’s happening. Could this be a trigger? If so, proceed with caution. Bring out your objective observer and respond only to what’s real, not the automatic conclusions of your triggered mind. Over time, the awareness gets stronger and we can quickly assess any situation- trigger, or real reason to flip out?

Being conscious of triggers not only increases self-awareness, it also helps prevent conflict and improves communication. As we get to know ourselves, we can truly be open to others. Imagine if I had been more self-aware as a 24 year old medical student.  I would have sensed the feeling of resentment and anger, and looked for signs of old patterns. Then, I could have taken a deep breath and responded to the real person in front of me. I could have explained my role in his treatment team and calmly asked about his concerns. Then I would have answer truthfully, not emotionally, and asked permission to draw his blood. Maybe the outcome would have been different?

Sleep Easy

Insomnia is one of the most common problems I see, which makes sense because it is a symptom of stress as well as many psychiatric conditions.  As many as 20-40% of adults suffer from insomnia in any given year, and 55% of adults have problems falling asleep during their lifetime.  I’m willing to bet that every adult has had at least a few sleepless nights!  I’m no stranger to insomnia myself.  It’s not unusual for me to lie in bed with my mental wheels spinning furiously.  I may replay the day, plan for tomorrow or just worry.  This was an almost nightly occurrence for me until I started doing yoga.  The combination of physical exercise and deep relaxation led me to fall asleep more easily.  Since then I’ve found a number of techniques to enhance sleep, including restorative yoga and breathing practices.  Sometimes my mind needs more distraction to let go of thinking.  So, I have a repertoire of ways to gently steer my mind away from thought and into a state of relaxation.  Keep in mind that these techniques may help mild to moderate insomnia, but more severe symptoms or reduced need for sleep can indicate a serious condition.  Please consult your doctor if your sleep issues are chronic or severe.

Sometimes the simplest things are overlooked when it comes to creating a good atmosphere for sleep.  I can’t tell you the number of people who disregard the “Sleep Hygiene” rules, and don’t recognize how their habits affect their sleep.  So the basics include a room that is a comfortable temperature, dark enough and quiet.  If you are a light sleeper like me, you may want to use a white noise machine or relaxation track to disguise other sounds.  It’s also important to minimize disruptions, so turn off phone notifications or, better yet, leave your smart phone outside the room.  The same goes for any bed-hogging pets!  Also, bright light signals wake time to the brain, so if you wake during the night, leave the lights off.  Even LCD alarm clocks can disrupt the normal release of melatonin, so turn the clock away from you, or place it across the room.  This also prevents clock watching, which leads to the endless calculations of “how much sleep can I still get if I fall asleep right now?” Or maybe that’s just me.

There are many habits that promote good sleep.  Get regular exercise, avoid caffeine after noon and keep a fairly rigid sleep schedule.  That means go to sleep at about the same time every night, and wake at about the same time every morning.  Even on weekends.  I know, I don’t want to do it either, but it really does help.  Other simple changes include turning off the TV and back-lit electronics at least an hour before bedtime, and choosing a relaxing activity instead, like reading or meditation.  This can be incorporated into a nightly routine that sends a signal to start to wind down.  I also like to journal before bed, to allow myself to write down any thoughts or worries.  Then I can tuck them away for the night.

Even if I follow all these rules, it’s pretty normal to still get an occasional bout of insomnia.  Then I like to use my favorite relaxation techniques to quiet the mind and the body.

1. A yoga practice that coordinates breath and movement is a good way to release tension.  Try this simple flowing yoga sequence, demonstrated by yoga and meditation expert Tanya Penny: http://yogahealingpro.com/transformation-tuesday/yoga-for-insomnia

2. Meditation is the ultimate expression of a quiet mind.  Practice before bed, or consider listening to a guided healing meditation designed especially for insomnia, like this one, also by Tanya Penny: http://yogahealingpro.com/store/cds/easing-into-sleep

3.  Try deep breathing.  We can easily induce the relaxation response by lengthening the exhalation of each breath.  I like to count the length of my inhale, then try to make the exhale 1 or 2 counts longer.  This has the added benefit of giving my mind something to focus on.  If I get distracted, I simply return to counting at one with my next in-breath.

4. Progressive muscle relaxation is another tried and true way to ease into sleep.  This involves sequentially focusing on muscle groups in the body and deliberately allowing them to relax.  I like to start at my feet and move upwards, breathing deeply between each section.  I notice the sensation in my toes, and relax any tension I feel there.  Then I bring awareness to my feet and release any last feelings of tightness, and so on.  The combination of the breath, body focus and a structured format allow me to release thinking for feeling as I relax deeply.  I’ve had several patients tell me they never get through their entire body with this exercise, sleep comes well before they reach the torso!

5. There are also many natural herbs and supplements that promote sleep. Lavender oil is safe and surprisingly effective when sprayed on your linens or in the air, and chamomile tea is very soothing as party of a bedtime ritual.  Your doctor or natural health provider can offer suggestions specific for you.

Often, one or a combination of several of these techniques can restore healthy sleep.  Remember that a good night’s sleep is an important part of self-care and good health.  Many things may seem more important than a bedtime routine, or a full 8 hours of rest, but the next day will look a lot brighter if we’ve allowed sleep to restore our body and mind.

Driven to Distraction

Lack of concentration is a symptom of many psychiatric illnesses, from depression and anxiety to adult ADHD.  But before jumping to any conclusions, remember that it’s also a symptom of stress and the chaotic nature of a busy lifestyle.  We live in a world filled with distractions, where everything seems to be urgent, and we are always on call and available.  Every text message has become so important that it can’t wait until the car is parked (yikes!), and the computer can’t be turned off for a 20 minute lunch break.  We are trying to do more in less time, using technology to make us more efficient.  Yet somehow we feel less focused than before the invention of the smart phone.

Multi-tasking is valued in many areas of life.  It is a good skill to have when I’m trying to make dinner, finish the laundry and help my kids do homework.  Everything gets accomplished, but sometimes things get forgotten.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve filled the washer and walked away without pushing start.  Or walked into the pantry only to walk back out having no idea why I went there in the first place.  This morning, I found the ice cream in the refrigerator.  Am I losing my mind? No, but I am too distracted to give my full attention to any single task.  The division of focus means things will fall through the cracks.  Let’s face it, a human brain simply can’t do several things at once.  At least, it can’t do them all well.

So what is the antidote to an overly multi-tasked life?  I often suggest a radical idea to stressed out people complaining of memory and concentration problems: Slow down and do just one thing at a time.  I think I once saw a busy mom’s head actually explode at the idea, and I understand why.  It’s not what we’ve been trained to do.  But hear me out.  If I give my full attention to just one task, I am focused, efficient, and can see it to completion in a shorter period of time.  Then I can turn my attention to the next thing with the same devotion.  I propose this method will take only slightly longer than the old way, and fewer mistakes will be made.

I also believe we lose a lot of the richness of life when we are distracted.  Meals get ingested, but not savored. when eaten in front of a computer.  Conversations with friends have no give and take if we are all busy checking our messages.  So why not try single-tasking for a change?  Consciously turn off the computer when on the phone, disable email and text alerts, and put your focus on what’s going on right now.  This is living mindfully.  Every task has its moment, and we can enjoy each of life’s experiences in their own time.

What’s Your Motivation?

One of the biggest complaints I hear from people is “I have no motivation.”  This can be a symptom of depression, but I see it as a more universal issue.  Especially since I noticed the slump in my home practice of yoga.  I had a busy couple of weeks, and wasn’t able to go to my regular yoga classes.  Apparently, they have been keeping my practice afloat, because when I couldn’t get there, I was barely rolling out my mat at all!  Once upon a time, I did yoga daily, no matter what.  At home with a web class, my own sequence, studio class, it didn’t matter, I did it.  But lately I’ve counted a few stretches after walking the dog as my practice.  Well, today I rolled out my mat and did some serious yoga, and I feel so much better!  So why aren’t I motivated to do it every day anymore?  I decided to take a look at motivation, and what promotes it or detracts from it.

I think one of the big downfalls of motivation is lack of direction.  It’s much easier to make a plan of action if my goal is to exercise than if it’s to “get healthy.”  So, I need to set a specific goal that allows me to focus my attention.  Then I can create concrete steps to achieve it.  Motivation comes from having a direction and knowing how to get started.  Then I can tell someone about my goal, because accountability promotes good motivation.  It’s best to choose someone who will cheer success as well as give a gentle nudge when needed.  Or, I can set up a buddy system with someone who shares my goal.  I increase accountability, but I have also added a partner to keep myself going.  I know I’m more likely to get up for morning yoga if I’ve planned to meet a friend in class.

Now I’ve set my goal and created accountability, next I have to actually begin my plan.  This part can be tricky, because I have decided to make a change, and I want to do it all right now!  My tendency would be to plan a home yoga practice every day I can’t attend class from here on out.  Obviously over-ambitious.  The first time I don’t meet my goal, I’ve set myself up for that classic all-or-nothing thinking that can derail the best plans.  Instead, I should start small, with a realistic schedule.  I can successfully do yoga at home 2 days a week.  Once I meet my goal, I can always add more.  But right now, that’s enough.

Now that I’ve started my return to regular home yoga, I have to keep doing it.  Obviously, right?  What I mean is, I have to create a habit.  Routine is a powerful motivator.  I have realized that I used to do yoga at home all the time because I used to do yoga at home all the time.  It’s just what I did.  Somewhere along the line I got out of practice, and now I have to rebuild.  It takes about a month to create a new habit, and that month carries a lot of potential to give up.  But, if I follow my own advice to stay motivated and keep rolling out my mat, eventually it will become routine again.  In the meantime, I will focus on the positive aspects of reaching my goal, like increased energy, a calmer mind and stronger body.  I know those things are the ultimate goal, not the daily practice.  Keep your eye on what’s good about your goals, and it will keep you going!

Mindful Monday

Last week I saw a fast food menu that displayed lower calorie options under the statement “Make Mindful Choices.” It seems the terms mindful and mindfulness are everywhere these days. But what do they really mean? Dictionary.com defines mindful as attentive, aware or careful. That makes sense on the restaurant menu, then, but I think even last year it would have said healthy, not mindful. So even the fast food places are recognizing this is a buzz word. Mindfulness means different things to different people. It is a Buddhist practice, a form of meditation, and a way of living in the moment recommended by everyone from yogis to TV doctors.

At its essence, mindfulness is a state of focus and awareness of the present, in which every thought, feeling or emotion that arises is welcomed. It is a non-judgemental acceptance of what is. During mindfulness practice, I may become aware of discomfort or sadness or worry, but I don’t try to change my experience. It’s all part of this moment, which needs no alteration. Mindfulness means being fully present in this moment, which requires me to let go of regrets about the past, and release worries about the future. Neither the past nor the future is happening in this moment, after all!

Mindfulness practices have been shown to improve concentration, reduce reactivity to stress, and improve the mood. There have been positive studies in chronic pain, anxiety and depression. In other words, there are many reasons to learn to cultivate mindfulness. Ideally, we would all meditate daily, but, as I’ve written previously, we don’t have to have an ideal practice to gain benefits. To learn more about Mindfulness Meditation, I recommend reading Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, or Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat Zinn.

Here are two short mindfulness exercises you can begin using right away. After all, mindfulness at its core is simply awareness.

Sensory Awareness: Start by taking a couple of deep breaths to quiet the mind. Then notice 5 things you can feel right now, like your feet touching the ground, the chair supporting your back, your clothes touching your skin. Really feel these sensations without labeling them or trying to change them at all. Then notice five things you can hear, like the ticking of the clock, the hum of the heater or the traffic outside. Listen and really hear the sounds, no judgement, just experience. Proceed with things you can see and smell, and perhaps finish the practice by drinking some water and really tasting it in your mouth. You’ve just been fully present in your body!

Breath Awareness: Sit comfortably and take a few deep breaths to quiet the mind, then breathe normally. Bring your awareness to your breath. Notice how it feels moving in and out of your nose, following it from beginning of inhale to end of exhale. Notice the pause between breaths. Feel the rise and fall of your belly with each breath, without trying to alter it at all. Simply feel and experience the breath. If your thoughts distract you, release them without reaction and return to the breath, over and over again. Try to stay with it for a full minute.

These short exercises allow us to experience mindfulness quickly and simply, without any special props or time commitment. The more I practice mindfulness, the more likely I am to stay present the rest of the day. It’s easier to release unnecessary worry, and let go of minor irritations. Try taking a moment today to be fully present, and see for yourself what all the mindfulness buzz is about.

Choose Your Focus

There are good days and bad days, for everyone. Even on a bad day, some good things happen, but it can be hard to recognize them if we are focused on the negative. There have been times in my life when I had a truly negative outlook. If you had asked me to name a good thing that happened in a day, I would be hard pressed to think of one. I know it affected my mood. I was irritable, and I expected the worst from everyone and everything. I didn’t even recognize this tendency in myself until I started my psychiatry training. We had a class on cognitive therapy, and I heard for the first time that I could choose what direction my thoughts took. After my mind was done being blown, I started to look at myself, and recognize my tendency to be a Debbie Downer. This started a long effort toward changing that aspect of my personality. At first, I had to think about it constantly. It’s easier now, but far from automatic.

I have also learned over the years that this is a common problem. As beings capable of rational thought, we spend a lot of time focused on the bad stuff! It turns out there is a biological reason why we do this, called The Negativity Bias. In his book Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom, Rick Hanson explains how we’ve evolved to see the negative first. My take on it is this: Primitive humans learned more about survival from negative consequences, like don’t touch fire, run from the tiger, find shelter in a storm. That type of knowledge needs to be accessed immediately, and became stored in our memories to provide quick responses, especially when we are afraid. We remember the good things, too, but in an area of the brain that isn’t as tied to our emotions. Our brains preferentially store the bad stuff, to help us survive. In modern society, however, imminent danger isn’t usually a primary concern. Now, this negative bias creates a tendency to notice bad situations and create stories around them. I don’t have to run from any tigers, instead I wonder what my boss meant by the look she gave me. If we are all wired this way, it will clearly take some effort to counteract this tendency.

Start by noticing when you are in a negative frame of mind. Like anything that is part of an automatic response pattern, we must bring this from subconscious into conscious awareness. Then we can begin to change our focus. I like to keep meaningful things around, so I can look at fresh flowers, or a picture of my family, and immediately remind myself of what’s good in life. Another thing that changes my outlook is gratitude. I list three to five things for which I’m grateful, and quickly remember how positive my life really is. Lastly, I turn to mindfulness. Inhaling and concentrating on the miracle of my breath, I am aware that this moment is always positive, just as it is. Some days I need a lot of cues to focus on what’s good, but as soon as I do, I feel my mood lighten. It’s so wonderful to be able to choose a positive focus, positive attitude, and positive mood!

It doesn’t have to be perfect

New Year’s Eve is now a few weeks behind us. How are the resolutions going? This is the time that many of us lose steam, as life gets in the way of our best intentions. The amount of time it takes to commit to change can be hard to find. If I follow recommendations for a healthy lifestyle, I will need at least 30 minutes to exercise, another 30 or more for seated meditation and who knows how long for planning and preparing healthy meals? It can be discouraging.
Then a funny thing can happen: my mind starts to talk me out of the very things I am trying to achieve! Today, there’s not enough time to go to the grocery store, so I may as well eat pizza. And since I didn’t make a healthy choice, I’ve already blown it for the day, so how about a brownie for dessert? Tomorrow there isn’t time to exercise for 30 minutes, and 15 minutes doesn’t meet my goal, so forget it. I’ll try again another day. Or maybe I won’t! You know what? I can’t keep up with my goals, I’m obviously failing, and I should just forget it. Maybe next year I can get healthy.
Sound familiar? These are examples of all or nothing thinking. If I can’t do it perfectly, I shouldn’t do it at all. This type of thinking can derail the best intentions, and it is surprisingly common. When I first started offering yoga and mindfulness practices to patients, I unintentionally fed into this tendency. I would write out an energizing yoga sequence and ask my patient to practice it every morning. Or I’d teach a 15 minute meditation practice, suggesting they should do it every night. Then, they returned for follow-up looking sheepish, telling me “You’re going to be mad at me, but…” They weren’t doing the practices. The excuses varied, but most represented a form of all or nothing thinking. “If I can’t do it exactly the way she recommended, I shouldn’t do it at all.”
Needless to say, I’ve changed my language a lot. I recommend that each person strive for a goal of daily practice, but commit to what they can. I feel consistency is more important than the time spent in practice. So, for me a 5 minute meditation on a busy day is a great break to allow myself to relax where I can, and is much better than ignoring my need for silence altogether. Parking farther from the door and taking the stairs is better than no exercise at all. Sometimes, just taking a deep breath and becoming aware of the sensations I feel while breathing is the only practice I can manage. That single moment, though, demonstrates a commitment to self-care, that I am worthy of that presence. I acknowledge that my practice may not be perfect, and I’m not doing it all. But I recognize the importance of self-care, and keep showing up each day. And that’s enough.

Start Where You Are

I’ve been doing yoga for about 5 years now, but when I first started, I was practicing at home. It took me months to attend a class because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep up. I had seen photos of yogis with serene faces, their feet over their heads in a perfect headstand, or arched into a beautiful backbend. I thought I was expected to be able to do those things, too. I was busy comparing myself to an advanced yogi, and finding myself coming up short.
When I finally worked up the nerve to walk into a yoga studio, I found a lot of beginners like me, as well as some people with years of time on the mat. I spent a lot of time watching the other people, wondering if I was doing it right. Then the teacher started to give us options. She said to listen to our own bodies and choose what feels right. She even told us not to look around the room, because it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing. I finally realized that yoga is about starting where you are, not where you think you should be.
Of course, my yoga mat is not the only place I tend to compare myself to others and try to keep up. But I’m learning that we each have our own journey, and we are not all at the same point. It’s easier to let go of the shoulds when I remind myself of this. I see other people struggle with comparing and competing, too. Many people with depression think they should be able to smile themselves out of it. I often hear things like “I shouldn’t feel this way, my life is really good.” They feel they should be able to function like their coworkers, or family members. The comparison invariably makes them the loser, as opposed to just on a different part of the journey.
Instead of wasting energy feeling inadequate or less than, why not start each day exploring where you are today? Maybe tiredness or illness will tell you to take it easy, and that boot camp class will have to wait. Or perhaps a new interest will motivate you to start something new. Try allowing your mind to acknowledge your starting point, then you can be confident that the choices you make are the best ones for you. It becomes clear that today is different from yesterday, and you are different from any other person on this journey.

Half-full or Half-empty?

Yesterday I saw a woman who was up for a promotion at work. She really wanted it, and had gotten to the final interview. Then she was told they were interviewing two other candidates. She told me with a big sigh, “I only have a one in three chance of getting this.” She went on to tell me how things don’t go her way, and clearly she was destined to fail this time, too. Since it’s my job to help people recognize the things they can change, we started to work on these thoughts and beliefs.
Pessimism is defined as the expectation that bad things will happen, while optimism is the tendency to expect the more favorable outcome. Classic glass half-empty or half-full question. We may be born with a personality that trends toward one or the other, or we may change due to life events, depression or other circumstances. However, we can change our thoughts and beliefs with vigilance and effort. The first step is to become aware of our tendencies, then we can subtly change them when we notice a negative pattern.
For example, my patient can continue with her current beliefs that things don’t go her way. She will then be less likely to seek and apply for a better position. She may even feel a hopeless attitude that things can’t get better, so why try? Optimism, on the other hand, creates motivation. She believes she has as good a chance as anyone else, and applies for new opportunities. A pessimistic attitude may hold us back from positive changes in our lives.
Our thoughts and beliefs also create energy that affects our moods. Think of the statement “I ONLY have a one in three chance” versus “Hey, I have a one in three chance!” One sees that two other people may win, the other recognizes that she has already beaten many others to get to this point. As you say each phrase out loud, notice what you feel, in your body and in your mood. The more negative statement may cause a subtle slump in the shoulders, and sadness. The opposite statement may lead to a smile, or a feeling of confidence. Which feels better?
Once we recognize a pessimistic attitude, the key is to substitute the opposite. I don’t mean an unrealistic belief that everything is sunshine and roses, but a subtle shift of balance in a positive direction. Instead of “nothing ever works out for me,” substitute “I have as good a chance as anyone else.” Replace “if I don’t try, I won’t fail,” with “if I don’t try, I won’t succeed.” we have choices all day long about what to think and believe. With practice, it becomes easier to recognize self-limiting beliefs and attitudes like pessimism. Luckily, we can change our thoughts and actions. Maybe my patient won’t get the promotion. But if she believes she has a chance to get a better job, she will apply again. Maybe she is a perfect fit for the next one. That is seeing the glass as half-full.

Happiness Inside

A bright green envelope arrived in the mail the other day.  It proclaimed “Happiness Inside!” in bold letters, begging to be opened right away.  Of course this piece of junk mail didn’t contain a secret elixir of joy or a magic happy pill that would make my job obsolete.  Instead, I found a coupon for $10 off my next pair of shoes.  Happiness?  Probably not.  More likely a fleeting sense of satisfaction that wears off before the shoes are even out of the box.  This envelope wasn’t really telling me to find my own happiness inside, it was suggesting that I need to look somewhere else.

It’s not uncommon to search for something to make us happy.  Perhaps it’s the next new car (or pair of shoes), the next boyfriend, or even the next drink.  We look to external sources for our own happiness.  Entire industries are based on this tendency.  How many advertisements can you think of that show beaming, beautiful people enjoying new “stuff” of some kind?  Those people appear to have what we want, and whatever product they’re promoting seems like the best way to get it.  Obtaining new stuff does release dopamine, which activates the pleasure center in the brain.  We feel good, satisfied, perhaps even happy for a brief period of time.  However, as time passes, that feeling does, too.  We are left wanting more.  Luckily, my new coupon has arrived to lure me back into the shoe store for another hit.

So lasting happiness doesn’t come from more stuff.  How about another person?  There’s nothing like a new relationship to create a giddy, joyful feeling where nothing else seems to matter.   Love certainly gets those pleasure centers humming.  This feeling, too, fades with time, hopefully to be replaced by mature feelings of respect and connection. A loving relationship is a wonderful thing, but someone else can’t make us happy.

So where do we look for real happiness?  The green envelope actually had it right all along. We need to look inside. True happiness is not dependent on having everything perfect in life. It is a felt sense of joy that is always present inside if we take the time to sit in stillness and look. It is the present moment, the gratitude for each breath we take, and the inner knowledge that nothing needs to change to allow us to be happy. Happiness takes effort to find each day, as our experiences and our thoughts about our experiences affect us. But think of happiness as a deep, vast ocean. On the surface, winds and rain create waves and turbulence, but the depths remain calm and quiet, unaffected by the elements above.  When I need to remind myself it is there, I take time to focus on my breath, in seated meditation or yoga.  Then the surface storms dissolve into the depths and I know.  Happiness is indeed inside.